By TOM DOUGHERTY
(April 1996, Big Shout Magazine)

It stands for “analytical technology.” It has nothing to do with your ass.

There is a place in Newark, DE on Rt. 72 just south of Rt. 4, where stands the eighth wonder of the world. A sign that blatantly reads, “ANALTECH.” Many of you know what I mean, because you discuss it with your friends all the time. I’ve heard you! Well, I decided to find out what’s up with the place, so here goes…

Ring. Ring. “Ann-ill-tech, good afternoon.” A-ha, I thought, you don’t pronounce it with a long “a.”

I explained my quest and was soon speaking to executive vice president and general manager Matt Lamkin. He seemed to understand my interest in uncovering the reason behind their name and what they really do there. He said, “Yeah, I’m game.” So we set up an interview.

It turns out they started as Custom Service Chemicals in the early ’60. They began to produce glass test plates almost exclusively, called thin layer chromatography (TLC) plates. Chemists use them to analyze samples, and Analtech makes a special kind of which they are pretty much the only producer.

Lamkin: Our clientele are the who’s who in the world. Anybody that has an analytical chemistry laboratory is a potential customer. And that includes primarily the pharmaceutical companies, chemical companies, the petroleum industry, cosmetics, food… You can use TLC to analyze a urine sample to find out if somebody has drugs in his system.

Big Shout: So when did the company become Analtech?

Lamkin: 1963. Demartin Marona (ad agency) is the one who came up with the logo. They were quite small, and they were a brand new company when we contracted them to come up with our logo and new name — the company later designed the Philadelphia Phillies’ “P” logo. So of course, if we went to them now, it would cost a fortune. But they were just gettin’ started — we got a deal.

BS: Did you ever consider the consequences of calling the company Analtech?

Lamkin: Nah, Analytical Technology is what it stands for. We just never, never even thought about the fact that, wow, you’ve gotta be careful how you say it. Of course we get people all the time that say, “Analtech? What do you do there?” (laughs)… just like you have, riding past here all these years… We’ve gotten letters from physicians indicating that, you know, “The prefix to your corporate name has always been used in the study of the lower extremity of the human body” or whatever, but they’ll never forget who we are… And we get prank calls occasionally.

BS: Occasionally?

Lamkin: “I need my a-hole repaired, can you help me?” You know (laughs).

BS: That’s pretty funny.

Lamkin: But, we just roll with the flow and laugh right along with them. Nothing we can do about it. Needless to say we’re not gonna change it.

BS: You’re not going to change it?

Lamkin: No.

I asked the other employees of Analtech to send along some anecdotes about the name. Here’s what they had to say:

“Suggestions for naming the company-sponsored volleyball team included the moniker “THE SPHINCTERS,” but the tight-lipped team decided upon the less suggestive name of “THE FIREBALLS.”

“When you become an Analtech employee, you have to be prepared to be the butt of a lot of jokes.”

“My brother has been working for Analtech for about 10 years. During that time, I used to come up with some Analtech jokes that were beauties. At reunions, holiday time, or just about whenever we got together. Things like, ‘How’s it going at Butt Tech?’ Well, seven months ago, I became the newest Butt Tech technician!”

I’d like to thank Matt L. and the staff of Analtech for their good humor and cooperation in satisfying the curiosity of the general population. Please remember though, the last thing these guys need, and me too for that matter, are more prank calls. So just continue to drive by and admire that wonderful sign.