By GREGG KIRK
Big Shout Magazine, April 1994

They’re originally from outer space, where they raped and pillaged across the galaxies before the Master Of All Reality caught them and sentenced them to spend eternity on our planet in a cave of ice on Antarctica. Unfortunately, they were freed by music mogul and ex-Congressman Sleazy P. Martini, who plied them with a five-pound bag of crack and lured them into becoming a touring rock band.

But things haven’t exactly been easy for them since GWAR took to the road. Not only have they had to endure the usual rigors of touring such as dealing with crabby club managers, insufficient deli trays, and shabby dressing rooms, they’ve also had to contend with super villains who want to destroy them onstage. They’ve encountered Techno Destructo, the evil half man/half machine; Gor-Gor, the giant orange Tyrannosaurus Res; and even the Pope. When last you saw them, they were battling the mechanized remains of Gor-Gor, but this time they’ll be locked in mortal combat with Skulhed and something called “The Flesh Column.”

They’re touring in support of their new release This Toilet Earth on Metal Blade Records, and they’re also putting out a feature film called Skulhed… Face, as well as a graphic novel/animated comic book. On her way to further defile the City of Brotherly Love, GWAR’s only female member, Slymenstra Hymen, talked with us in a brief phone interview last month…

Big Shout: Where are you calling from?

SH: Antarctica, of course… where else? I was staying in New York for a few weeks, but that place bores me now.

BS: What’s new with you guys? Last time I talked with you, your manager Sleazy P. Martini was running for president.

SH: Well, he won, and of course the United States government had a big cover up. Just like everything they do.

BS: So you’re saying Bill Clinton is just a puppet, and Sleazy P. is really running the country?

SH: Yes.

BS: What did you do for Valentine’s Day?

SH: Well, I sat at home thinking I would get some Valentine’s cards, but of course, no one sent me any.

BS: Really? I would think that a fine-looking mutant woman like you would have guys lined up down the block.

SH: No, I scare ’em all away.

BS: I read in your press release that you made a movie. When will it be released?

SH: This summer with Troma (horror movie company). It’s called Skulhed… Face, and it’s a movie about the corporate conspiracy to homogenize the artistic world. It was very hard work. What we do is not easy.

BS: One of the guest stars in the movie is Sebastian Bach of Skid Row. What was it like working with him?

SH: He pulled his pants down and started vomiting right when he saw me.

BS: Speaking of that, with this whole Lorena Bobbitt thing, I was thinking of you guys…

SH: You know, she wrote me a letter. She wrote my “Slymie’s Mailbag” asking me for sex advice, and I wrote this letter, and I was like, “Girlfriend, chop his dick off” and then she did it! I couldn’t believe it.

BS: You’ve had an incredible influence upon the entire country.

SH: I know it, man. One day you’re just in a bad mood and you write somebody a three-word answer, and the next thing you know, it’s in the fucking papers!

BS: We’ll have to get you to write an advice column in our magazine. I think there are some people in this town who need their penises cut off.

SH: Definitely!

BS: Are you guys concerned about not getting any Grammy nominations?

SH: Why? We didn’t do anything this year. We all had to check into the Betty Ford Clinic to get our acts together, you know. We’re ready to go again. We’re fine. We’ve invented a stronger crack. We’re fine. WE’RE FINE!