Sex & Dating in the Age of AIDS

By SARA JAYE WEISS
February 1994, Big Shout Magazine

When a seemingly common cold lingered for more than a month, Eric became frustrated and checked himself into a hospital. The typical series of tests were administered, and the results all read negative.

All, that is, except one.

Upon being diagnosed as HIV-positive six months ago, Eric says, “I felt like I suddenly had this huge pit in my stomach.” He felt bitter and angry at first but says support group meetings and venting with other HIV-positive people have helped to quell his fury. Since the diagnosis, the Wilmington native has developed mental and physical strengths, in hopes of delaying what eventually will become AIDS. He follows a strict fitness routine, has eliminated alcohol, takes handfuls of vitamins and AZT (a drug that attempts to slow the reproduction of HIV — Human Immunodeficiency Virus) but accepts his doctor’s prognosis: AIDS (Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome) could grip him in 10 days to 10 years.

When it comes to Generation X, a loose term enveloping those aged 21 to 32, “they don’t appreciate the severity of HIV and don’t realize that it has no specific marks.” Eric says. It can target straights, blacks, women, and the socially privileged. Eric says any fleeting, unprotected moment can lead to a slow, painful, and untimely death.

What’s Going On?

Eric isn’t alone in his self-confessed carelessness. Since the plateau of the AIDS scare in the mid-’80s, he says consciousness, especially in Generation Xers, has dwindled. Nationally, adults aged 20 to 34 compose nearly 50% of the 339,250 reported AIDS cases as of 1993, according to the federal Centers for Disease Control (CDC) in Atlanta.

By 1995, the CDC projects the cumulative number of AIDS diagnoses will reach 500,000. Eric and about 1 million other Americans will join the ranks as their HIV virus transitions into AIDS, the CDC reports.

Although the number itself is small, the 920 reported AIDS cases in Delaware (through 1993) are a disproportionately high percentage, says the Delaware Division of Public Health. Nearly 40% of those victims live in Wilmington. Most sexually-transmitted diseases (including HIV) have a higher incidence per capita here than in most metropolitan cities, says John Barnes, executive director of the Delaware Lesbian Gay Health Advocates, a Wilmington HIV/AIDS service organization.

In other words, on a busy night at the Stone Balloon, potentially four people in the club, or 1 in every 250 people are infected with HIV.

While the numbers continue to rise, unsafe sex is still widely practiced, according to a Big Shout Magazine survey (see graphic panel below). We toured college campuses and local watering holes, polling 296 people ages 18 to 43 with an average age of 24. Only 15% of 154 men and 142 women say they use condoms every time they have sexual intercourse; 31% say they never use them. Three were virgins, 14 claim to have had more than 50 partners.

Anna Coulson, 23, admits she’s gambled. But after spending the past year in Long Beach, CA, she says she’s become more conscious of AIDS and its consequences.

“[In California] all you have to do is look around. I’ve seen people with AIDS. They looked very sick and it scared the hell out of me.” she says. After returning home to Wilmington in August, she noticed a distinct difference in sexual behavior between Delawareans and Californians. “Here, everyone knows everyone. Because Delaware is so small, it’s become a tight-knit area. It makes it easier to get to know someone and makes people think unsafe sex is more acceptable.”

Coulson, like many others, says that waiting for the results of her HIV test was one of the most harrowing experiences of her life. The two weeks of waiting for its outcome allowed her to assess her priorities. She compares the confirmation of good health to a new lease on life.

Hisham Enhaili, 22, sees his peers shifting their sexual patters back to the freedom of the ’70s. “AIDS awareness is starting to die. People were definitely more frightened a few years ago. I guess we all think we’re immortal.”

“In America, though, people tend to be more careful than in Europe; probably because the numbers are so much higher here,” the native Moroccan says.

Despite the warning bells, some ignore the risks. Glenn, a lifelong Philadelphian, college student, and bouncer for an area club “never used condoms, probably never will.” He says he’s had unprotected sex with more than 30 women and a few men in his 22 years. Exotic looks and a lazy grin enhance his sexy allure, which he says works in his favor when it comes to meeting women. “I know AIDS is out there,” but claims he can combat contracting HIV by “using common sense. I am picky about who I want. If I’m not in a monogamous relationship, I’ll look for a clean-looking person.” If he’s not sure of someone’s sexual history, he says he “pulls out” prior to ejaculation. “As long as I’m careful, I’ll be okay.” Glenn’s hometown ranks ninth nationally in metropolitan cities reporting the most AIDS cases with 7,169.

Condom Courtesy

Abstinence and monogamy are the sole guarantees of dodging the sexual transmission of HIV. The government issued its bottom line on latex condoms last summer: When used properly, they block the AIDS virus. The CDC’s Dr. Bert Peterson said the major issue “is failure to take the condom out of the package and us it.”

Using condoms safely includes adhering to the expiration date, opening the package correctly (avoiding fingernails or teeth), storage in the proper temperature, and taking it off properly, says Scott Martin, a coordinator at the Delaware Lesbian Gay Health Advocates. When a condom breaks, it’s generally caused by misuse.

Martin says many callers to the group’s HIV/AIDS hotline inquire about condom use. Most, however, ask for reassurance after they’ve engaged in unprotected sex or sharing needles. He can determine if the act was high or low risk, but he makes no guarantees. Most of the calls, he says, come from 20 to 30 year olds.

“Aside from a feeling of invincibility,” Martin says, “there’s also a lack of general knowledge in that age group.” Martin’s 13-year old organization has recently hired a diverse handful of social service workers to target different groups, particularly African Americans, Hispanics, and youths.

Martin says the older Generation Xers are aware of the risks of contracting HIV, but their actions conflict with their hesitations. “The big problem for people 20 to 30 years old is that condoms are used incorrectly or inconsistently,” says Martin. His associate Natasha Ortega adds, “That age group gets tired of the safe sex method, and then forgets to use it.”

Perhaps college-aged adults put themselves in a higher-risk category. “Anyone who’s been to college knows that alcohol use and abuse is all around you,” Ortega says. “It’s a proven fact that your mind becomes impaired, and that affects your judgment.”

In Clubland

Albert Pezone, a bartender at Scratch Magoos, a popular Trolley Square pub, agrees. “Delaware has a limited amount of extracurricular activities for our age group. There’s not much to do besides go to the bars,” he says. “People are turning to alcohol, then doing things they normally wouldn’t do.” Many patrons believe the virus won’t affect their straight, white middle-class age group.

He says he’s seen an upsurge in promiscuity among his clientele and his own social circles. “On a normal night, we have a crowd by 10:30 pm, and by last call, a lot of people are looking for an easy hook up. Some people think they’re invincible. They’re in their prime, everything’s working, and the juices are flowing.”

He adds that peer and societal pressures add to the promiscuous behavior. “From a male perspective, it’s still accepted to score as much as possible. It’s almost admired.”

If Pezone sees one of his regulars heading in that direction, he says he’ll discretely press a condom into the guy’s palm when they shake hands at the end of the night. A supply is kept behind the bar.

The Stone Balloon manager Kay Mundy says her Newark club, which primarily caters to University of Delaware students, hosts a cross-section of young adults; 61% come from another state. Nonetheless, their interest in the epidemic seems to have waned.

By overseeing a mostly male, college-aged staff, Mundy says she hears the reports of her clientele secondhand.

“It’s not surprising to hear ‘How was she? Well, she was alright,’ or ‘I thought it would make him like me,'” she says. Mundy, who has managed the bar for 11 years, says such commentary isn’t as rampant as it was in her fledgling days. “To a degree, it has slowed down, and I think that older people are getting the message about AIDS more.”

“It’s going to take someone who’s young and in the limelight [to get the virus] to bring the issue back into the limelight for the younger generation,” she says. In December, the Balloon management installed condom machines in their restrooms.

Chris Marsilii, manager of Kelly’s Logan House, thinks the crowd he caters to is not careless but educated enough to heed the alarms surrounding the AIDS epidemic. “I don’t think people are becoming more lax. Through conversation, I’ve found that HIV/AIDS is definitely something people have on their minds.”

Marsilii, who worked at Dewey Beach’s Bottle & Cork in 1990, says that people tend to be wilder during the summer months. “Chances are, people will let their hair down a little more and let loose.” Parties and bar-hopping begin hours earlier at the beach than at his Delaware Avenue establishment. “People could meet in a bar for happy your, drink for hours, take a walk on the beach, and then wake up in an unfamiliar bed. The beach is definitely more conducive to unsafe sex.”

On the Horizon

Although the incidence among heterosexuals and intravenous drug users is catching up, HIV/AIDS exposure is prevalent in the homosexual community. The CDC says about 50% of reported AIDS cases afflict gay men. Many burdens rest on their shoulders as a result, including losing friends to AIDS, says the Delaware Lesbian Gay Health Advocates.

“There’s been a tremendous spillover of post-traumatic stress when someone tests negative,” Martin says. “Survivors will often ask themselves, ‘Why not me?’ and think, ‘Well, I should be dead, too.'” According to Martin, the survivor’s guilt can lead to “becoming sloppy about safe sex.” Despite the stress suffered by HIV/AIDS service providers, Martin took his job for a reason. “As a gay man, I’ve seen a lot of friends die.”

The demographics, however, are changing. While the majority of AIDS carriers are men, female victims are on the rise. They represent 10% of reported AIDS cases nationwide, but last summer, the CDC reported that the fatal disease is increasing four times as fast among women. The female case average in Delaware is three times higher than the national average.

For the 43,019 women who have died of and who are living with AIDS in America, 67% of them are aged 20 to 34. In Delaware, 155 women have been diagnosed with full-blown AIDS. In fact, women are 10 times more susceptible to HIV during intercourse than men because there is a higher concentration of the virus in semen than vaginal fluid.

The number of urban African Americans with AIDS is edging upward, Martin says. primarily due to intravenous drug use or sex with an IV drug user. “These clients,” he explains “are more concerned with their own poverty. It’s more important to them than their asymptomatic HIV status.”

Half of women ages 13 to 34 were infected through heterosexual contact. Half of HIV-infected women are African Americans. By the year 2000, new AIDS cases worldwide are predicted to be split evenly between the sexes.

Genration Xers realize they’re at risk. However, of the 50% who have taken an HIV test, more than half had unprotected sex since, according to the Big Shout Magazine survey. The CDC recently launched a series of condom ads geared toward the younger generation. Some are hitting TV networks and the radio airwaves, but only during non-prime time hours.

In the meantime, scientists work fervently to unearth a cure. More than 100 vaccines and drugs are being tested. The Clinton administration has increased research and care funding. For Delaware, the government earmarked about $500,000 in Ryan White funds for 1994; double what it was the year before.

Barnes, however, offers a gloomy prediction. “There’s nothing on the horizon that seems promising as far as finding a cure. If Generation Xers won’t limit their frequency of partners, officials urge them to carry and utilize condoms.” Martin says he doesn’t denounce anyone. “If Catholic priests can’t maintain their vows of abstinence, it would be difficult to expect others to as well.” Using condoms, rather than condemnation, will abate the spread of the epidemic.

“It’s going to take quite a stimulus to get people to change their behavior,” Barnes says. Eric’s mother, father, two brothers, sister, and friends will inevitably lose him to AIDS. “It’s unfortunate that dramatic changes in behavior don’t occur until a loss is suffered.”

Cover graphic by Kurt Brugel